True but thats because hes a fetus.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
