she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
