I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
