I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
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