hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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