I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
