she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
