I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
