Im at strip club and am horny
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Did you pee in the oven last night??
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
