Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
