Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
