i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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