He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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