Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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