All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
His hands were made for my vagina.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
