a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
