i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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