I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
