i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
