I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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