I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
