he thought i was a dude.
ugly people sure do ruin things
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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