I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
