Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
