you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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