we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
