How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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