I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
