One girl and one boy is just not enough.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
