Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize