you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize