He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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