well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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