i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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