Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
