what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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