we're chasing vodka with high fives
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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