Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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