the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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