oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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