Don't make out with my wife yet
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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