he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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