my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
