Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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