no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
