I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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