Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
this just has baby written all over it
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
