sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
