I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
