im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
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