im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Randomize
