i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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