just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You ruined the universe
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
