This girl is more easily done than said...
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
