after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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