Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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