um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
