WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
