still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
