The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
