it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
