somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
