the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
