I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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