I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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