Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
