If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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