What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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