Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
