I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
