I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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