Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You're like the curious george of whores
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
