In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
