he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
