Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
